How I Reached the Last Bench..

My name is Bhagya, I'm a UKG student

Or in other words, I'm in senior KG

I know A to Z, also 1 to 100

I mean, I already learnt them last year 

This year I'm learning words and sentences

And writing them so many times

I wake up at six to revise my lessons

And go to bed late after doing my homework

Report card said 'good' but my friend got 'excellent'

And she bullied me and said she won't ever talk to me

What did I do wrong? My mother was so angry

My father didn't talk to me last evening

I have my woes, my pain, my issues

My heart aches and I need some rest

Does anyone know how tough it is to be

A little child of four and make the world bright?

My bag weighs heavy, I know not how much

But even my mom finds it hard to lift it and walk

My back hunches and my shoulders crack

My little fingers break as I finish my notes

I'm so bored to sit through the day

On the wooden bench so narrow, crowded and crushed

I left the class to go to the washroom

And spent a few minutes to watch the little birds

I saw a squirrel playing with its mother

And I missed my mom so bad, so sad I felt

Slowly I walked towards the class so loud

They had started the new lesson of Social Studies

Am I Bhagya or Nirbhagya? No one noticed me

I crawled to the back bench where a few dreamers slept!

A Birthday Message from Wayside Journal

Dear readers,

As I went through my blog I realised that today I am completing 2 years of blogging, which means today is my blog's birthday. Though I used to read my friend's blog, I never knew much about blogging. One night I explored my computer for hours together and finally created my blog successfully.  There was nothing much to write and I hardly knew how it works.

With my friend's support and guidance I trusted myself to post some bits and pieces that I created. A place to jot down the thoughts that passes through me, the experiences that I confront, the lessons I learn. More than anything, a place to express my gratitude , to recognise and acknowledge God for pouring on me enormous amount of Mercy and Grace, directly or through His magnificent creations.

Thanks to all my readers, especially to everyone who encouraged and guided me, most of all, to my friend who discovered a writer in me and motivated to blog.

My Papa, who is a good writer, always wanted me to write and it was for him that I put all my enthusiasm into writing. Unfortunately I haven't translated my writing into Malayalam for his comfortable reading, (he is a Sanskrit scholar) which will be my next priority.

My God has been always urging me with fresh thoughts and blessing me with very unusual situations and experiences of life, which ultimately became my assets as a writer. He, the Creator and Author of my life sent me to Earth with wonderful qualities which I might never explore fully. Each step that I take is a gift and to recognise myself as God's child is my privilege and whatever I see by the wayside of my journey becomes a part of WAYSIDE JOURNAL.

Except for the completion of my novel, I have no agendas as a writer. It is best to 'be' and just to 'be'. I consider as the ultimate form of peace, to remain in my own zone. Loved ones and love are welcomed through open doors as without them I would've never grown or been fruitful. Well intended comments and criticisms acts as guides on my way, whereas anything negatively intended is ignored wisely as they may harm my spirit. I think these things are very important for anyone who creates anything.

I must be grateful to God that so far positive vibes were predominant in my writing world and I wish I will continue my journey without being stoned, even if not ever garlanded.

It was so nice knowing other bloggers and read some genuine fresh thoughts, see some real great photographs, knowing some creative people. The Blogosphere helped me to be in a creative community than being inside my room jotting down my thoughts which would remain obscure forever. My Wayside Journal page inspired me to write my thoughts down which otherwise would've gone as passing clouds in my mind.

Not to prove anything or win anything; it is just a joy to write. And the letters dancing on the screen bring an effect of magic which is called 'Creation'. Along the way if WAYSIDE JOURNAL could bring you a smile or give you some comfort, I consider it as my blessing. Love you all..Sindhu

Faith, the Key to Success

“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (The Holy Bible, Matthew 19: 26)

The first gift that we got for David when he was born was a battery-operated “Swiss-Air” toy aeroplane which hung from the roof on a string, which would fly in circles in the air. His father used to operate it and he would watch in amazement and both would spend any amount of time watching it fly.

When he grew up, he dreamt of becoming a pilot and though we knew that it is not an easy task, we decided to help him fulfill his dream. He succeeded in getting his US licence after his 275 hours of flying. But then, he had to take the Indian licence by passing his DGCA papers. These are online exams with the minimum pass percentage of 70%, with no specific syllabus to follow. Each time he would end up getting 65+, 68 once, but never touching 70. As parents, we were anxious especially because he wanted nothing but to fly. We heard about many people who are trying to clear these exams since many years.

Once again he went last week to appear for the exam. All of us knew that he needs something more than hard work. We continued our prayers, the way we knew and felt. Above all we prayed that this episode must end up as a miracle than looking like an easy catch.

On Wednesday David called us and announced that he cleared one, and on Thursday he cleared the second one too. It was over. He had cleared both his papers and the nightmare was over.

David wasn't in a celebrating mood. He told this.."It happened like a miracle. I am going to a church to thank God."

He came back home on Friday morning and narrated the two days' happenings. Before he started his exams on the first day, he had some time left and he said his rosary. The paper was tougher than all the other times. He entered his answers and waited for the score and it showed 71!

The second day he found no time to pray in the hall as the exam started right away. The questions were tough, he had no big hope. He hesitated to click the 'Finish' button. There was still time. So he got permission from the invigilator to use the rest room, where he said a quick Rosary and came back to his seat. Finally, in prayer, he entered his paper, and hesitantly glanced on the screen to see his score, 72! He didn't jump out of joy nor felt like celebrating or rejoicing which he usually does with much fanfare, though the officials were congratulating him. All he felt was gratitude to God and all he did was to recognize it as a miracle from God. 

We announced this as a Miracle, to his well-wishers and all those who supported him through prayers. Except for visiting the church and offering a Thanksgiving Mass, we didn't celebrate this either. More than congratulating David, I thanked him for bringing home the best news ever and a testimony of Faith.

In this age of debates and confusions as to which religion, which God, which denomination, which prayer etc., I have a small request to the readers. Just because you don't believe in Jesus and the Rosary of the Catholic Church, please don't pass skeptical comments or criticisms on this testimony. And nothing changes the fact that David's Faith and Prayer made this miracle happen. And as long as we can bear witness to our prayer and faith, we will be fine. Today, David can say that "But by the grace of God, I am what I am" (The Holy Bible, 1 Corinthians 15: 10)

Our ways of prayer may change. But Faith is universal and that is the key to open the Heaven. I wish all my readers a God-filled life, a hand in hand walk with God, a one to one talk with God. Search Him and find Him in your life, in your heart. He is there, we just have to join Him. And I request all of you to give thanks for all the good and bad experiences of your life that God brings in to strengthen your Faith and also to Glorify and Honour God's name in all your moments of success and joy.

"God sent hardships on you to test you, so that in the end he could bless you with good things. So then, you must never think that you have made yourselves wealthy by your own power and strength. Remember that it is the Lord your God who gives you the power to become rich."(The Holy Bible, Deuteronomy 8:16 - 18)

Thanks David for sharing, editing, titling and finding a picture for this story. 
"God is on my side" - David Xavier quoting King David. 

Words Composed

Confession is the best composition

She sighed as she sat on her couch

A little space to walk is much more precious

Than the thousand camera flashes blinding

It is wise to trust your inside

As inspiration within makes beautiful creations

Followers and admirers expect

What you may not even want to create

And you create this and that

To stop them stoning you in despair

Finally you look behind than forward

And satisfy them, not you

It is worth following your heart

Without anyone following you

She stepped into the world of writing to fly high

As much as her imaginations could take her

She thought that the fan following will

Encourage her on her journey

But alas, she was only pushed so harsh

With the negative words of cruel criticism

No, she wasn't to fall, she wasn't to win

She was there to fly to a world of fairies

She wrote to satisfy her hunger and thirst

Not to feed the demanding gluttons

The first claps that she received so fine

Brought her now the burden of guilt

Passion called her back to her niche

To be lost in her dreams till thoughts become words

And the words to deliver into the world of freedom

Liberating her soul beyond the limits

As she closed her eyes and stretched on her couch

She saw the beautiful people who supported her

She chose to leave the big stage of fame, filled with

Fake smiles before her and dirty smirks behind her

Truth would've hurt, but it freed them all

As pretending was the worst to hurt

People called her proud, her conscience pricked a bit

She had to choose between peace and race

Events, promotions, publicity, marketing

Did she become a commodity that she had to sell?

Beyond the awards and rewards

The joy in the depth of her heart mattered

Words danced around her in grace

And slid to papers through her pen

She felt so light and into her depths she dived

Born was the best which outdid the rest

At the crossroad of her path

She met the turning point of her life

Without counting the cost!

Their son and granddaughter came to the station to see them off. After settling the luggage, they didn't say much to each other. The train started moving gently; grandpa bent from the door to the platform to kiss the little girl. He came back with shrunk face and wet eyes. He tried hard to control his tears from flowing. Grandma looked tenderly to his eyes and consoled him with a sweet courageous smile.

After a long silence he opened up. Their long conversations went on and on. I overheard when the grandma sighed and said 'Hadn't we have any other obligations, we could’ve stayed for long and help..Alone, it will be too difficult for them to manage everything..But we have other obligations...'

Looking at my curious face she smiled. Without counting the cost they were willing to help their children to take care of their household and kids. Their conversation continued and leaving them alone in their private world I took a flight to my land of thoughts.

Once an uneducated wise man told me these words.."Water flows from top to bottom and such is the flow of love, from a parent to a child. Do not expect it to flow from bottom to top." He added.."I don't know much. I am uneducated. Please forgive me if I am wrong.”

Right or wrong, these words that I shared have helped some of my friends from heart break which could've been caused by the result of expectation of reciprocation from their children, that was never met.

I know many Indians who travel abroad as a couple or sometimes alone, leaving the spouse behind, to help their kids to run their family. Our nation has nicknamed them 'Nannies'. In an unknown place in an unfamiliar weather, with no one to talk to, they baby sit their grand children all through the day and night. Though we can elevate these deeds calling it 'Sacrifice', I wish all youngsters will value this free gift of love, and not overburden the elders for their own comforts. Grandparents living in India are also taxed with household chores and babysitting, sending and bringing back children from schools, cooking etc., that too with the expectation of perfection.

Let no one think that they can reciprocate this gift by paying a few thousands each month to the old age home. Genuine concern, love, gratitude..that will make you take care of them in their helpless old age...or at least to console them even if your situation truly doesn't permit you to be with them. I wish the elder generation some rest, respect, love, happiness, and above all, peace.

She Wore Her Smile

She had to attend the party without a choice 

And knew, should dress up to match the place

She could hardly afford a party wear 

And she was scared if she’d be the worst

Music on and lights flashed

All took their glasses and reached the floor

Dance they called some movements crazy

Fun they had, at least they thought

All wore their best but none was the best

All danced their best but none was the best

A trial to hide their fear, a trial to show their figure

To please someone, to prove something

She felt alone, rather aloof

She found a place though felt out of place

A few hands and eyes invited her

She made her choice to do what she felt

She took her plate alone and chewed some food

Just to heal her hunger pang

Music loud, decibels high, 

She remained there still among the crowd

Bottles empty, glasses full

They drank and danced in groups and pairs

Normalcy to ecstasy and then to the shallow idiocy

Happy faces to pathetic phase, lost their ground a bit, for sure

They dragged themselves, no smile was left

Either lust or tiredness felt

She sat there still, found her stillness in

Beyond the sound and light, travelled afar to a world anew

Contented, peaceful, tranquil she felt

To be what she is, to remain in her space

The moving crowd didn't move her a bit

She knew her place wasn't there to sit

She couldn't shop in malls so tall

But the smile she wore let her stand so tall

Beyond 'have to', 'must' and 'ought to'

She flew to a height where she could just 'be'

Little Big People

Since 5 days I am living in a Big Hotel in a Metro, attending an International conference in a Bigger Hotel with Big people. Two people who inspired me and influenced me are these two Little Big People, perhaps the least ones working in these hotels.

We had one problem or the other every night with the hotel reception; trying to get the extra money that we had paid by mistake refunded and to rectify the room phone and change the dirty blankets covered in white sheets etc. Third night of our stay became a nightmare before we could sleep, as we were verbally abused by one of the staff for asking for the refund. We decided to lose the money and save our dignity. Fretting and fuming we came to our room and found the phone not working. The technician came, a dark thin guy with very compassionate eyes. He sat on the floor and started his work. He couldn't escape our discussion and tone of humiliation in our voices and asked us ''Ma'am, any problem?" His concern made me answer our problem in one or two sentences. He told us that there is a night manager who is available to sort out issues and was truly empathetic. His composed humble tone stated his devotion to God and his eyes radiated peace. In a few minutes the night manager came to our room and we got a positive answer. Though his uniform was dark blue pants and shirt, his heart was whiter than all of the white collared staff who walked in shining shoes. 

The ever smiling little figure moved in and out of the toilets and kept on wiping the wash basins and the granite platform and floor from 9 am to 9 pm. She has no friends to chat, no fresh air to breathe...she is confined to the four walls of the 5 star Hotel's AC toilet. In her khaki uniform and black shoes, she worked tirelessly. Last evening, she kept on watching my friend adjusting her party wear sari by the dressing table of the toilet. Soudhanya (that is her name) saw to it that the sari was properly worn; she helped my friend so sincerely with sisterly affection. She also offered my friend a hair pin to fix her hair. To my friendly questions she answered that she is a young widow who was abandoned by the in-laws, living with her mother. She has a school-going daughter. She starts at 7 30 am from home, returns after 9 pm from the hotel, reach home around 10 30 pm, taking a shared auto, then a bus, and walking 10 minutes in the dark. The short dark thin girl tells me, "When someone comes I shout at them. That saves me from them". Her eyes were radiant and bright and there was contentment and hope in her words. I just loved her. A Hindu, recently converted to Christianity, she told me how her faith is taking her ahead in life. Not the glittering tiles and gorgeous chandeliers of the 5 star hotel, but it is the secret behind Soudhanya's smile that amazed me the most. 

As I move off from this place today I carry a smile with me, that was gifted by these two people, Soudhanya and the electrician (whose name I don't know). It is not the vast dark sky, but the little twinkling stars that makes the hearts leap. And to know the grandeur of these stars, we must go closer to them; otherwise they remain 'little' in our minds.

            The most beautiful sight that fills my heart is good souls found in human form. There's no way to purify the world through the worldly possessions; rather soul's purity is Divine gift bestowed on His devotees by the Omnipotent God.

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father is pleased to give you the Kingdom. Luke 12:38 (The Holy Bible)

God purposely chose what the world considers nonsense in order to shame the wise, and he chose what the world considers weak in order to shame the powerful. 1 Corinthians 1: 27 (The Holy Bible)

I'm on my way

You're bound to grow if you've chosen a path

And if you think your limits are limitless

First day on track needn't make you a winner

The miles you run may make you a champion

Smirk, criticism, words to put you down

If your vision is clear you'll try no matter what

When you prove that nothing stops you

There comes wonder, astonishment, jealousy, around

Move away they who can't see you move

Towards a height beyond their sight

Juniors jealous, seniors shun, advice plenty

Doesn't mean much as their tone cannot lie

Where have I reached and where will I reach

Doesn't matter anymore, I am on my way

With a very few to admire, I could think otherwise

Still I find my space to spread my roots firm

Attitude at each step matters than altitude I'll ever reach

As right attitude leads to high altitude, sure

Shallow applause never counts but sincere words do mean so much

Gratitude is that fills the heart, not the number surrounds

I may scale a few feet up, a multitude may clap and cheer

Some, a very few will share a smile as usual as they always did

So let me create before I'm crushed

Let the best be found from within me

My faith, your unconditional love and support

That's what really matters till the end

When All is Lost...

When all is lost life still remains

Like a puzzle or a riddle, an empty head can’t solve

And a voice insists, 'No other go,

Get up and move on, life goes on'.

That's when I get up with life and nothing more

Though it turns a burden and stoops me way down

All doors closed for nothing to enter

Within, a steer, a strong trigger.

Two ways to go, or a choice to give up

One path forward and the other in reverse

Should I go and check the past and set it right

Or should I save time and take my next step ahead?

No answer from outside, sounds wisdom within

Tomorrow may matter but yesterday, never

Falling on my way to destiny is anyway better

Than to get trapped in the sludge of the past.

Again a choice, to love or to hate

The hurt flesh yelps to take the sword and kill

Sublime Spirit leads my heart

To forgive and let go.

Saved my day and saved myself

Saved my life when all was lost

Soul revives and love will mend fast

So, right or left I choose the best.

Congrats Mom!!

Mom had called yesterday. She had a surprise for me. She had gone to participate in a zonal competition from the church and won 1st place in singing, 2nd place in elocution and 3rd in Bible reading. She is 70 now!

40 years she worked in the Postal Department and earned respect from all her colleagues who used to compare her to Indira Gandhi. A very efficient person who had done and still doing so much for the family and friends and others. A helping hand in times of need and a shoulder to cry on, for all who know her. Most of all I admire her sense of humour and her readiness to play badminton and cards and carom with her grand children. At the age of 70 she takes care of her mother too.

I'm so proud of my parents. My father still winning Gold medals in masters' Athletic Championship and now my mother starting to compete and win..

Their lives teach me that till the end there is life and that has to be lived without limits and barriers and embrace success and enjoy victory whenever it comes. Age is no bar to enjoy any activity or pursue any passion.

As years pass by I remain hopeful that my better days are yet to come!!

They came, They loved, They conquered

Jimmy

This morning brought us tears as our Jimmy, our pet dog left us after 16 years of being with us. 

Two years back we met with a similar pain when we lost our 15-year-old dog Snoopy, who was a little terrier. 

Snoopy

Only dog lovers will understand the void and pain one feels after losing their pets. A little creature can occupy such a large space in our house and our hearts and leave it all empty as it passes away.

Love is what we honour and value. We took it to our house at Yercaud and buried him near Snoopy’s grave in our garden, with tears rolling and hearts breaking. Innocent love from him was a free gift to all of us, but the most valuable.

Jimmy and Snoopy were two entirely different characters; Snoopy was a serious female who we nicknamed 'Old lady' and Jimmy a playful male who we called ‘Play boy'. They had the most sincere look on their faces, unconditional love and both did a wonderful service in keeping the house safe. Snoopy was so particular that people should come well dressed; she would try to bite the workers who'd come in their casual dress. Jimmy gave a ferocious look but would never bite anyone. He was good at killing rodents (proudly bringing and keeping them on the door mat) and chasing cats. Both saw to it that no other creatures entered our premises, though they would never hurt our rabbits, pigeons, hen, etc.

Today they have left the house so empty that we feel so bad and sad to be here without them. I used to feel so safe at home even when I stayed alone at nights. Every morning they used to welcome us as soon as we opened the door. They would receive us when we come back from anywhere with happy sounds, jumping and wagging their tails. Old age slowed them down, but not their love. They gave us so much and made an everlasting impression in our hearts. For the little space and simple food that we gave, they returned their unconditional presence with us.

I fail to express, my language fails, my style fumbles, as my heart still aches. Yet I wanted to honour them both for being with us for so many years, through our ups and downs, ever loving and sincere, naughty and adamant too, being two members of our family.

There is no one among our friends and family who doesn't know Snoopy and Jimmy. They were all known and loved by these two. All feel bad now as they are no more.

Thanks to you both dear Jimmy and Snoopy for all the good and funny memories that you've left us with. Wherever you are, may Heaven give you a place to be happy. We may or may not have another pet. But never a Jimmy nor a Snoopy. You are you and only you can be you.

Thanks to all who have played with them, loved them, watched them, fed them, were concerned about them and those who shared our pain in their demise. Thanks to the Vets who attended them, neighbours who were kind to them, friends who've helped when they needed medical help. Above all, thanks to God Almighty for sending these two beautiful souls to our family and for giving so many years with them and for giving them good health till the end.

We love you both very very much and miss you both so dearly.

An Elegy to the Never Born Girls!

I hate to say this, but yet today I must say..Better if killed in the womb, than to be raped and killed and to be called 'NIRBHAYA'. To me she is 'NIRBHAGYA'. Life sentence, or torture or even hanging, nothing will equal her pain because theirs is punishment where as Nirbhaya's was physical & emotional brutal murder. Women, just take care of yourself. No man is superior to any woman as SHE is his mother!I dedicate this poem to you, dear Nirbhaya, and to all the living and dead victims of abuse and rape..with a prayer for your souls...

I know how you would've felt then
When the scissors came floating in the dark
A little scare, a little scream echoing in the womb
And all would've ended in seconds few

And then angels would've carried you

Back home sweet home 

Where you never knew pains

With tiny cherubs there to play

Look at me, a babe born as girl

I was welcomed by my folks

I had parents, I had home

And I was loved, I thought I'm safe

Nasty hands came, sharper than scissors

To kill me inch by inch alive

Couldn't scream as I was silenced

With fear that chills a girl so small

I was hurt and I was robbed

I was scared and I was numb

I was a prey in hunter's game bag

I was killed as a living child

I felt ugly, sad and guilty

I lived all life, a hollow space

I learnt the harsh truth that I am less

As I was born as a female breed

All my life I heard and saw

A hundred thousand dying lives

All because they were born as girls

A cursed birth, a despised crowd

A few might have escaped a villain's hands

But anyway a slave, a lesser kind

She could fight and fly upwards

But rarely without a male's reproach

With the grace of awesome power

We push the barriers, wiping tears

With hurtful words and deeds around

We confine in our little space

Many are killed by self or foes

Many have lost their mind and soul

Living dead, waiting for death

Bodies devoid of spirits to die

The little pain that you endured

Saved you from all years of strain

The secret walls of womb sure is

A better place to die than earth

Little angels, lucky ones

Pray to God for girls who're born

And keep all female babes safe there

Do not send them here to hell!

Memoirs of a Sail That Saved Part 2

Harini's letter continued...

Ma’am, it doesn't matter what you were in the past. What you really need to know is what you want to be NOW. Ask yourself what you want from your life, talk to your inner voice. Just reinvent yourself with all that you have. All that you see outside is transient. If you are changing owing to external influences even that change is transient. Reality lies within you. You can never lose realities and so you can never lose the real Sindhu inside you. You were born with your reality. The problem is, we all create the so called 'our own realities'. If you think you are not the real you, then that becomes your reality. What you have lost is your power to discern the real from the transient. You have lost direction and focus. You have let weaker thoughts enter the palace of your mind. Ma’am, wake up. No one can take anything from you and never can you lose yourself. The world is making you someone else because you let it. You did not put the barricades at the right time because you had lost your vision. (I feel like giving a bang on your head...WAKE UP) And you have lost your vision because you let too much pain enter your life, you went through a period of unbalanced thinking and by the time you could balance your thoughts it got late..you got pushed to a deeper pit..

At this point more than fighting others you will have to fight your own thoughts. Be conscious of what you think, control your thoughts. Remember, you alone can control your thoughts. Be aware of what a thought can do to you. Instead of going where the thoughts take you, direct your thoughts; you would no longer feel miserable. If your thought is focusing on the problem, direct it to focus on the solution.

So envision again!! May be you can envision something even better. Create your own world, a world full of life. May be you can be someone better than what you were. Stay focused on your purpose, God will take care of everything else. After all it was you who taught me the importance and purpose and direction in life. Yes ma’am, it's all inside you..the gold and the garbage..you just have to clean yourself.

Ma’am, I want to tell you something..It doesn't matter to me what you are now..I already know who you are and what you can be. I am also associating myself with the changeless reality that resides in you. I would walk beside you and show you the light inside you amidst the darkness you see around. I would not abandon you and let you feel lonely and miserable. I love you ma’am, not because you taught me. I just love you and can accept the way you are. So all the best for a new life! Don't give up. Do you realise that you are one among the billions of creations and you have every right to enjoy your stay in this world? You deserve a better life, ma’am. Go and claim it. You are more than what you think you are. You must act NOW to provoke a change. You are alive because you haven't fulfilled your purpose. So any intentions of fulfilling it?

If today was the last day of your life, how would you want to live every moment? What thoughts would you like to have every moment?

More than I, you need the answers. Come out of that pit at least to find the answers.

Love, Harini

Sure, Harini, I came out of the pit and fell in it a thousand times, but each time I found my way out. I never accepted it as my reality. Life is much more beautiful ever; not because it has less challenge, but I stay firm on my grounds.

Thanks a million to you, Harini. In bringing my boat safe ashore, this letter of yours was surely a sail. I was constantly reminded to focus on direction and purpose of my life. I was taught that life isn’t to sink, but to sail against the winds and tides and reach its destination.

God bless you always and may your life be a sail on calm waters.

Love, Sindhu 

You can read the first part of this blog in the link below...

http://sindhuxavier.blogspot.com/2013/02/memoirs-of-sail-that-saved.html?spref=bl

Memoirs of a Sail that Saved...Part 1

This happened a few years back, when I had touched the lowest point of my life where I lost my health, my job, my identity, above all, my very self. There I stood wondering what I had been a few months back. I could only recollect that I was a person untouched by people and events that went around me and realised that I have become a different personality which I couldn't accept myself.

I had to save me from that dangerous pit of self pity but I failed. Then I thought of my old student Harini who used to watch me so closely and ask me so many questions about life. I was at the right door. She remembered every bit of me and her letter was the only reminder I had of my past. Till my recovery which took more than 5 years, whenever I lost hope, this letter was my sail on the rough sea.

With my deepest love and gratitude, dear Harini, I dedicate this blog to honour you and your courage to save your teacher. Let this letter be a motivator for the readers of this blog and may you be an inspiration to them...

This is what Harini wrote....

“I would like to write about the Sindhu whom I knew...

Well, when I knew her for the first time, I saw that she was a unique person, not one among thousands; what made her unique was the way she looked at things and her attitude towards others. She would always look at things from a broader perspective, always getting the 'bigger' picture. She could discern what really mattered and what didn't. She lived by what she believed in, irrespective of how others looked at her. She knew what she was and what she was doing, that is to say, she had integrity within herself. She was surrounded by criticisms but she was the least moved by them as she knew how much reality was behind them and she knew exactly what to get influenced with. Her biggest strength was her focus on what she really wanted. She didn't want to get influenced unnecessarily by others and so she didn't. She just wanted to sow knowledge and love in her students and so she did. She did what she wanted to without the noise and confusion of the outside world. 

Of course there were times she would fall but she would rise on her own. I always wanted to tell her why she fell..She fell because she didn't realise the 'quality' and 'nature' of the people around her. She was tricked into thinking that others would be good to her and let her be her own self. She let them enter her inner territory, considering them to be good souls. And so when they pushed her into the pit, she 'reacted' instead of 'responding'. But every fall taught her what others were, she would quickly adapt herself to her surrounding, knowing the changed faces of others.

She wasn't a weak person..the so called weakness was not weakness at all; it rather was a trigger to her growth. I would just watch her growing and fighting. As a teacher, she never let the external turbulence influence the classroom atmosphere for she knew what mattered most. Nothing could take away her courage and spirit from her. In all situations she has only manifested goodness and righteousness, never have I seen her talk out of selfishness or frustration. Every time I spoke to her, I could see the infinite potential in her; I could see the indomitable strength in her eyes. At the end of the day, she would be proud of what she was, grateful for what she has learnt and wise enough to stay focused on what she wanted. She taught me to think freely and walk with my head held high. She inspired me a lot...This is all I know about her.”

Her letter didn’t end here...with all her love and concern, with the power of her young mind, she stretched her arms towards the depth of the pit where I ‘thought’ I was...(To be continued...)

Read Part 2 of this blog in the link below...

WAYSIDE JOURNAL: Memoirs of a Sail That Saved Part 2

On the Wings of Freedom

Another fellow traveller along the wayside

Our ways cross along the way to our dreams

We call each other 'Friend', we are far than near

Just a few times we meet in the labyrinth of life

We never wait nor keep the other waiting; just a smile,

a glance

And into our freedom we continue to fly without hurting the other one's wings

It's not the miles we walk as one, rather the smiles we pass at one

Make a Friend for a life, not to hold, yet to love

Fly Friend, fly...till your wings can stretch, you soar

I wish you heights no one has reached; for you are the one who taught me fly.