Little Healing Hands

She at last sits on the swinging chair

Wiping her sweat with a shallow sigh

Many are still the chores that wait

For her to attend before she rests

Without a reward she moves on her way

Not for a penny; she works all day

No one asks her or even thinks she needs

A day to rest, or some air to breathe

Taken her for granted he comes

Evening, night, at any odd time

She stands there to serve him food

With a smile, or else he’s sure to shout

Her heart at times yearns to laugh aloud

To chat a while with someone dear

She is called wife, but treated as slave

She is a woman, she’s but a name

Her spirit dies, her soul withers

Her body and mind ails with age

In thirties she looks like a haggard old being

Her prayers are silent tears that flow

There comes her little girl looking so puzzled

‘Mama, are you tired?’ she asks so sweet

Then goes and brings a glass full of water

‘Drink mama, drink’ she compels with love

She sits beside her, looks into her eyes

‘Can I help you, mama? You take some rest.’

 Mama’s heart fills with joy, she hugs her babe

A new stream of life makes mama smile

She puts her babe on her lap and kisses her brow

Grateful to her for the healing touch of love

Cuddling her closer, with tears she prays

‘God, spare my child from my wretched fate’

Tightly holding hands, they walk to the kitchen

Sweet words so cute make mama cheerful

Little hands take onions and lift them to her mom

‘What else, mama?’ ‘Nothing dear, I’m well’ 

Child is a wonder, the best healer for a mother

Those twinkling eyes are the brightest light ever

That innocent smile reflects the heart of a giver

Child is a treasure; age matters never!

Kill four and leave the rest??

I kept on staring at the September 11th newspaper title in horror without knowing how to react: ‘One in four men admits to committing rape’. I was badly shaken after seeing the reasons for a man to rape.

1.           The most common reason; men’s belief that they have the right to sex, regardless of consent!

2.           Second most common reasons: for fun or due to boredom

3.           Anger, as punishment etc.

Then comes a line: “While large majority of men supported the ‘abstract idea’ of gender equality, many believed domestic violence was acceptable and that household work was the women’s job!

September 13^th Friday brought the news: Delhi gang rape: All four convicts sentenced to death!

So, how many criminals are left to roam free in our country? If we kill these four, will our women be safe? Will men stop raping? Nothing, except a comfort that somewhere, some justice is done. Truth is, you have one man among four, around you to devour you, if you are another Nirbhaya unlucky to become  Nirbhagya!

Who said that women can be raped without consent? Rape itself is murder as life is lost from body and soul after a rape. Rape is theft as it steals all the dignity of the victim.

And who is even interested to know the reason for the rape or sexual abuse? We, women are really not after the reason and statistics. We are human beings like men and we don’t want men to think of raping or abusing or even touching us. Why should you? You may have your reasons and justification. If you have a problem, admit it and take proper treatment. Don’t use women as your punching bags to show your tantrums.

We aren't meat to be eaten or slaves to be slaughtered. We are God’s Creation meant to be your mother, your sister, your wife, your daughter, your friend, your partner.

We are neither an object of violence nor a subject of discussion. We are women. You be human.

Life with my poor brain!

I have heard a lot of times people saying this to me: 'Everything is your imagination. Everything is in your head. You think too much.' I truly lost hope when the doctors also started saying the same to me: when I went to a Cardiologist with a chest pain, to a Neurologist for the numbness on my feet etc. The worst blow was my visit to a famous orthopedic surgeon in Kerala. An Ortho in Chennai had already suggested a surgery to cure my lower back and neck pain and I went to Kerala to a second opinion from this experienced doctor. I took two days off from my job, took a train from Chennai and reached Kottayam. As I couldn't travel by bus, I took a taxi till home. The same evening I went with my mom by car to see this reputed Ortho.

We had to wait for an hour before he came to his cabin. I handed over my scan report and X-ray and narrated my plight. Without taking a look at the reports, he turned my back and neck in all angles possible. I wanted to scream, but I maintained my composure and may be that was probably the mistake I did! He just gave me back the reports and X-ray without even looking at them and told me bluntly: ‘You don’t have any problem. It is all psychological!’

I was nearly in tears and felt so furious because I had to pay 200 rupees (10 years back) for no good reason. Thanks to my cousin who is a pediatrician, I was sent to another Ortho and I managed to get some relief.

Then, for years I never visited any doctor as I developed an aversion towards them. I applied some balm and tied band on my forehead whenever my headache became unbearable. When my legs got tired I would dip them in warm water mixed with salt. I would relax when I had chest pain. Years went by and there came a day where I couldn't bear my headaches and I felt numb below my knees. So finally I decided to meet a Doctor!

I went to a neurologist. He gave me some tablets and told me to meet the physiotherapist and psychologist in the same hospital. I obeyed like a little girl. With much difficulty I climbed the steps to meet the physiotherapist on the first floor. He made me lie down, then stand, and then sit. Then he started his speech. ‘Madam, you must take two glasses of milk diluted with water, drink at least three litres of water, eat greens, egg whites, (a list of a few other goodies to eat) to improve your calcium level. Your muscles are weak and that’s why the nerves get stressed, so I have to teach you some exercises. But as you are weak now, I can’t do anything. For the next three days, take hot water shower (as hot as possible) for 15 minutes, morning and evening. And come back and I will test your stamina and then decide the exercises!! Continue with whatever work you normally do or else your nerves will go weaker’

He was getting to my nerves. Anyway as I had no other way, I obeyed what he said. In Salem’s hot weather, I sat under the hot shower for 15 minutes every morning for three days. I would come out of the bathroom so tired and lost. I pushed myself to school where I could hardly function. By evening I was almost dead and I decided not to be again in that 15 minutes inferno. I called him and told me that this is making me so tired and his reply was, ‘Madam, it is not tiredness, it is relaxation!’

Then came the appointment with the psychologist. She didn't get a clue of anything whatsoever. She told me this. ‘You have a lot of unfulfilled dreams in your mind. You aren't happy. So, we (she and I) have to make the ‘inner me’ happy. She suggested some breathing exercises; to inhale and hold the breath and exhale all the sadness out. I couldn't even breathe properly due to my chest pain and I hated the idea of digging all the past and segregate the sadness and exhale it out. I thought that is pure madness!

The tablets were making me sleepy and restless during the day and I was becoming weaker and weaker. I regretted going to the doctor as my condition before the treatment was at least manageable.

So I stopped the tablets, the hot water bath and didn't think of ever doing that stupid breathing exercise. My family suggested that I need physical exercise and I argued that none of the females in our family of any generation has done any exercise and no one has any problem whatsoever. But my physical condition was bad enough to get admitted to a hospital.

I decided to go to another neurologist. I went and told him my problem and made a statement: ‘My pain is real. I am not imagining anything. I am not making up stories.’ Shocked to hear it, he smiled and asked me the reason for my statement and I told him that I lost trust in Doctors because all blame my head and tell me to think positive.

He examined me physically and tested my grip with the fingers and toes. He asked me a few questions and was very happy with my positive answers about life. But then I heard the worst thing from him. ‘Yes, your problem is in your head!’

Before I got up from my seat he added, ‘I mean, with your brain. Probably there can be a chemical imbalance that causes the brain’s malfunctioning and I think if that is regulated, all your physical illness would go’ He further told me, ‘It is purely biological. It is not due to the external factors or thoughts. It must be treated as we treat a typhoid or malaria. No psychologist or counselor can help a positive person like you, as you think wise and straight. But I wonder how come as an educated person you ignored your symptoms for such a long time!’

 

To all the doctors who told me that the problem is in my head, I have only one doubt to ask. If heart or liver or kidney or lungs have a problem, you treat the patient. But when you suspect that there is a problem with the head, you leave the patient at the mercy of prayers or advice or positive thinking. Isn't head an organ? As much as each organ has a way to be healed or treated, shouldn't brain be treated and healed? And moreover that sly mocking smile when you say that suggests that anyone except a doctor is a fool?

I don’t know much about medicine. But one thing I am sure of. Brain causes feelings. Positive thoughts or advice or environment can nurture the brain and help it to heal. Negative thoughts and situations could damage the brain’s function. But if you have to feel good, your brain must make you feel good.

And my final statement is, even if the problem is with my head, my head is not in my hands for me to fix it.

Just a little time to live...Just a little time to love..

Earth spins mad in haste

Humans haste in utter waste

No one cares for the gen next

Greed consumes each asset

Height is might for structures built

Buyers rush despite its rate

No more sand in rivers left

Everything on Earth is swept

Houses packed with stuff redundant

Old ones dumped inside high loft

Wardrobes inhabit clothes just bought

Old and torn ones in suitcases kept

Higher in the ladder, to a new height

Each one moves in quest to mount

Smiles false and power lost

Yet not forgoing their target

With the motto ‘sky is the limit’

Every chance to fall, they resist

Scared even to take some rest

They fight to remain in their best

Excess jewels in lockers intact

Extra money the banks protect

Number and size of cars attest

The wealth each earns in this planet

Trees felled without foresight

People killed, their kin left aghast 

Blood and corpses make world infect

Sooner or later all forgotten as past

Rat race is the sole thing taught

To ignore and forget the poor lot

To run forever and never to quit

Till death drops them to the pit

Love and kindness take the back seat

Arrogance and pride keep hearts apart

Guns and missiles ready to fight

Peace is discussed but never kept

Can we take some rest, be pleasant?

Create the laughter that we do forget?

Care for others who wait in want?

Close our eyes to our ego, a bit?